Graham
29-04-2009, 18:52
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hayibo.com
African dictators disappointed by Obama's first 100 days
MERDE. African dictators say they are disappointed that after 100 days in office US President Barack Obama is still showing no signs of embracing his roots by adopting a traditional African leadership style, featuring aviator sunglasses, an oversized Brigadier's uniform covered with medals, and a private zoo containing one mangy lion called Simba.
Obama still enjoys strong support from most Americans, although recent polls suggest that many citizens are beginning to wonder when he will deliver on such campaign promises as the introduction of a four-hour working week, the end of premature ejaculation, the mass execution of estate agents, and a financial system based on hugs.
However, many African dictators say Obama has betrayed his roots, and have slammed his penchant for wearing suits instead of an oversized Brigadier's uniform and aviator shades.
The statements were made at a sitting of the African Union in Merde, Democratic Republic of Congo, this morning, where leaders have gathered to decide which ethnic minorities to persecute in order to extract humanitarian aid from Western donors.
According to the despots, Obama has shamed Africa by allowing 100 days to pass before ordering the detention and accidental machine-gunning of the Republican Party's leadership.
"Every day we watch CNN, and every day we see the counterrevolutionaries in Congress exploiting Brigadier Obama's naïve mercy, making eye contact with him and so on," said Brigadier Hamish Banana, ruler of Gabon for the last 45 years.
Brigadier-General Amos Mwanasa, military leader of Sierra Leone since 1959, said that Obama needed to "get a move on", and said he was sending him a mangy lion called Simba for his private zoo.
"We assume he has a private zoo," said Mwanasa. "I mean, that's something you sort out in your first month in office. That's what a new administration is all about: invite your enemies for dinner, garrote them over dessert, design your mausoleum, and supervise the construction of your private zoo.
"It's basic leadership," he explained.
Wing Commander Bambi Bumbasa, President and Commander-in-Chief of Chad since 1926, said Obama had the potential to "leave an enduring legacy" in Washington DC.
"Perhaps a 50-meter bronze statue of himself holding an AK-47 in one hand and a dove in the other, in the middle of a large traffic circle," he suggested.
"At night they could switch on floodlights in the head so beams of light would shoot out of his eyes and light up his mausoleum next to the Lincoln Memorial."
However, according to Field Marshal Rambo de Bolognaise, who took control of Mali in 1978 by sawing off the head of his brother, King Louise de Bolognaise, Obama would have to put on some weight before he sat for his statue.
"He is so skinny. He looks like a woman. A hot woman. Like a model. Good breeding stock."
He added that he was "not into men who look like women", and said he would prove it by exterminating the last of his country's homosexuals to "make a point".
Obama was not available for comment as he was busy whispering to wild horses.
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hayibo.com
African dictators disappointed by Obama's first 100 days
MERDE. African dictators say they are disappointed that after 100 days in office US President Barack Obama is still showing no signs of embracing his roots by adopting a traditional African leadership style, featuring aviator sunglasses, an oversized Brigadier's uniform covered with medals, and a private zoo containing one mangy lion called Simba.
Obama still enjoys strong support from most Americans, although recent polls suggest that many citizens are beginning to wonder when he will deliver on such campaign promises as the introduction of a four-hour working week, the end of premature ejaculation, the mass execution of estate agents, and a financial system based on hugs.
However, many African dictators say Obama has betrayed his roots, and have slammed his penchant for wearing suits instead of an oversized Brigadier's uniform and aviator shades.
The statements were made at a sitting of the African Union in Merde, Democratic Republic of Congo, this morning, where leaders have gathered to decide which ethnic minorities to persecute in order to extract humanitarian aid from Western donors.
According to the despots, Obama has shamed Africa by allowing 100 days to pass before ordering the detention and accidental machine-gunning of the Republican Party's leadership.
"Every day we watch CNN, and every day we see the counterrevolutionaries in Congress exploiting Brigadier Obama's naïve mercy, making eye contact with him and so on," said Brigadier Hamish Banana, ruler of Gabon for the last 45 years.
Brigadier-General Amos Mwanasa, military leader of Sierra Leone since 1959, said that Obama needed to "get a move on", and said he was sending him a mangy lion called Simba for his private zoo.
"We assume he has a private zoo," said Mwanasa. "I mean, that's something you sort out in your first month in office. That's what a new administration is all about: invite your enemies for dinner, garrote them over dessert, design your mausoleum, and supervise the construction of your private zoo.
"It's basic leadership," he explained.
Wing Commander Bambi Bumbasa, President and Commander-in-Chief of Chad since 1926, said Obama had the potential to "leave an enduring legacy" in Washington DC.
"Perhaps a 50-meter bronze statue of himself holding an AK-47 in one hand and a dove in the other, in the middle of a large traffic circle," he suggested.
"At night they could switch on floodlights in the head so beams of light would shoot out of his eyes and light up his mausoleum next to the Lincoln Memorial."
However, according to Field Marshal Rambo de Bolognaise, who took control of Mali in 1978 by sawing off the head of his brother, King Louise de Bolognaise, Obama would have to put on some weight before he sat for his statue.
"He is so skinny. He looks like a woman. A hot woman. Like a model. Good breeding stock."
He added that he was "not into men who look like women", and said he would prove it by exterminating the last of his country's homosexuals to "make a point".
Obama was not available for comment as he was busy whispering to wild horses.
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